Expect the Unexpected
by MoonlitElegy
Summary: COMPLETE: Kakashi overhears a conversation between Team 7 that will scar him for a while. Rated T for the many sexual innuendos.
1. A Good Life

**Expect the Unexpected**

Kakashi had to admit, he had a good life. A simple life, just like he preferred…well, besides the little and unnecessary ninja missions Tsunade would send him and the rest of group seven on. But besides that, Kakashi simply spent his lazy days reading his favorite collection of books: Icha Icha Paradise. He had all the volumes of Jiriiya's famous work, in limited edition too. Something all perverted men like him would die for.

Group Seven was back again, and though the grown Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke were already considered equals with him, he still couldn't help but keep the habit of watching out for them and advising them, as if they were his own kids…..kids he could leave the bill with, of course. Everyday, Kakashi would see them arguing with each other over the simplest of stuff. It was amazing how so many things remained the same, despite the years.

Flipping a page in the latest novel release of Icha Icha Paradise, the famous copy-nin sat in a slouched by posed manner against a tree trunk. As his masked lips move and silently whisper out the printed characters in the book, he easily ignored the loud bickering around him. They were at it again...with no sign of stopping anytime soon.

'Will they ever get tired?' Kakashi wondered, his right eye dropping a bit to scan the ground around him. He felt as if he was forgetting something…something important.

"Hey!!! That was my kunai! Why the hell did you block it?! It wasn't aimed for yah!" Naruto yelled from across the training ground field.

"Hn. It was aimed for the tree I'm training on. Go find another tree. This one's mine, dobe," Sasuke responded calmly. Though his tone was neither cold nor bitter, Naruto glared at him across the field with scorn. It was obvious. Pure rivals they would always be. Both him and Naruto were eyelocked and both gripped for their kunai pouch, ready for a little spar.

"…Hey…hey you guys, stop fighting. You guys argue more than you train," Sakura scolded. She deliberately turned and pointed to another tree to Naruto, compromising with him to train with that tree. It was only then did Naruto calm down, released his grip on his kunai a bit, and yelled to Sasuke in a confident tone.

"Hmph! I'm only letting this go easy because Sakura-chan asked me so! Don't think you're off the hook, teme!" Naruto yelled back again to Sasuke. His trademarked whiskers thinned as he gave a friendly smirk to the world.

But from behind, Sakura irritatedly pointed out, "Naruto, I didn't_ ask_ you. I'm _telling_ you to lay off the fights just for a bit today. Either that, or I'll send you flying across the training field." She wasn't in the brightest of moods today. Not when she was in deep thought for preparing the party tommorow. In response, Naruto backed up and grinned, telling Sakura to calm down.

As Sasuke shrugged and resumed back to targeting his tree, Sakura looked back to where Kakashi was reading his Icha Icha Paradise book. Shaking her head in defeat, she couldn't help but let a remark pass through as a thought: _'When will our teacher stop reading porn in public?'_ Sure, Kakashi could care less about his modesty, but still. After a moment of staring at his book, Sakura sighed and told herself to give up. She had scolded him, warned him, and had even tried to reason with him to stop reading those books...at least out of public? But to her dismay, Kakashi would never change.

Her eyes scanned the book he was so engrossed in. It looked to be a new novel in the series. Yet, what was so interesting about them?

_'Ugh. __Think. Try to think of something. Something other than her neutral and perverted Sensei's book and its wonders.'_

Immediately out of pure will, Sakura forced her mind to focus on something less perverted. Like her party. And speaking about tommorow's party...

Sakura spoke up and warned, "…I hope you guys don't act like this tomorrow. The celebration party will be ruined if two of the four people there are arguing the whole time. With that, she shot an accusing glare at Naruto, who was sitting down on the grass and poking the tree Sasuke was "so" protective about, with a kunai. It was apparent Naruto wasn't listening, so Sakura stomped over and whacked him in the head, making him turn in confusion. Naruto was about to object and question until Sakura raised up another fist to show him to be quiet and pay attention.

"Naruto! If you miss this party, let alone argue with Sasuke in it, I will send you flying _past_ the Sand Country to the Mist Country. Got it?," She half hissed, half threatened.

With that, Naruto gulped and replied with a nod. He hid the kunai behind him and nervously looked away from Sakura, hoping to prevent from enraging her a bit more.

Kakashi had heard the whole thing, but he didn't bother paying much attention to something that occured daily. Sakura had turned a bit more moody nowadays, as to why...god knows why.

Kakashi had known Sakura would look to him to stop the fight. But really, Naruto and Sasuke fought 24/7. It would literally _kill_ him to stop every little fight they would go in on. So, to make life easy, he ignored their bickering and continued to flip the pages of the heavenly Icha Icha Paradise.

It was only until Sakura clearly said "party" did Kakashi looked up a bit distracted. And that's when he remembered. Group seven was not only celebrating a get-back-together celebration party, but group seven was also celebrating Sakura's 17th birthday party tomorrow. Amazingly, Sakura had decided that her party would be private, only for group seven, instead of inviting her other close friends of Hinata, Ino, TenTen, and the other guys. Not that Kakashi cared. He felt that being old was nothing to celebrate about, whether you hosted a private party or not, the effort was unnecessary. Aging was something to be despised.

The rest of the day passed slowly, but not quietly. Training was as slow as ever, but that was because Kakashi revealed nothing on how to improve on techniques and chakra storage. He claimed that his new book was always "getting to the good part" whenever they asked for him to get up and spar with them. So they left Kakashi alone and took their energy out on eachother; by eachother, Naruto and Sasuke were the main case. Though Sakura tried to maintain the two stubborn teens, she couldn't really stop them both taunting and glaring at eachother across the training field. A couple of kunais flying here to there and and a couple of insults, but the day finally ended.

As the late evening approached, the three young teens decided to end their training till after the party and departed home. But Kakashi was still reading and thinking back at the tree stump. He tried to remember how excited he felt when he was about to turn seventeen. But all he could remember was that he spent his whole life just hanging out with his old team, not caring about the passage of time and his own birthdays. He tried again. And again. And again, trying to image how Sakura could possibly be so happy over a year of age. With a bunch of failed attempts, Kakashi simply gave up and left the training ground lazily. He headed home soon after the moon rose up and decided to simply get the pointless day over with by sleeping at home.

As he reached his apartments, Kakashi took a hot, relaxing shower and was preparing to do a couple of stretches before he closed in for the night. Nothing was left to do, besides the thrown away bowls of cup noodle stranded and carelessly thrown into the sink and nearby trash can.

He decided to leave that mess until the morning, but there was no doubt of the extention of his procrastination...

...especially when it came to the subject of washing the dishes..or for the matter, cleaning out _anything_ in the sink.

But his thoughts were soon ruined when a considerate thought hit him. Right before Kakashi was about to lay on the comfy couch and go to sleep, he wrapped up Sakura's present with cautious care. Kakashi didn't think hard as to what he got for Sakura as a present; a limited edition of an Icha Icha Paradise book from his cherished collection.

'Hell, she's about old enough,' He simply thought as he pictured her with a surprised and flushed face as she discovered her naughty present. Though he hesitated a bit while wrapping the last bit of the present, as he continued to imagine Sakura red as a tomato, he chuckled softly at that image, finished up the finishing touches, and laid the present down on the near coffee table.

His train of thought had not been broken, and he smiled slightly behind his mask, thinking of his team...his _naiive_ team..and what their reactions would be if he ever pushed a bit more of his perverted actions in front of them.

With 'everything' done, Kakashi closed the lights and laid there, with dirty images flashing on and about from the latest book he had flipped through and read today. As he closed his eyes and slept, Kakashi lightly scratched his head, yawned, and continued with his vivid imagination...

...And he had to admit. Yep, Kakashi had a good life.


	2. A Wonderful Morning

_**Beep Beep Beep Beep Bee- **_A single hand smashed down, smashing the clock button to shut up. A slight groan was heard as Kakashi cautiously opened his eyes. What a wonderful night of sleep. Blinking a bit, he noticed that light had already began to fill the room and that morning had begun. Despite that, he stared off to the ceiling for a moment, and then closed his eyes. Slowly, Kakashi turned to his side and decided to continue his sleep. It was early morning. Too early, for Kakashi's taste.

_Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp_

"……………………..……"

He was going to throw that annoying clock at that annoying bird. And no, he wasn't going to miss.

_Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp_

"……………………..……"

Still trying to go back to sleep, Kakashi thought out a train of murderous images. Images of that bird off to somewhere in the North Pole, away from him.

_Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp _

His hand came out again, and blindly felt for the clock on the coffee table. Dammit. There were way too many things on the coffee table. It was amazing he hit the alarm button off on the first try. Groaning again, he opened his eyes just a bit to notice a tiny bird hopping around chirping and singing its heart out like there was no tomorrow by the window perch.

Then, his hand came upon something solid. Solid and big enough to shut that birdie up. If that bird _chirped_ **one** more time…

_Chirp Chir-_

That's it.

Kakashi picked up and blindly threw the solid object through the window and at the bird. Hearing a impact blow and meek squeak, he took that as a dead aim, and considered the bird knocked out. Giving it no more thought, Kakashi opened one of his eyelids and once again, he felt as if he was forgetting something. Something important.

That's when he heard a faint chirp. Kakashi's eye narrowed and his mind came back to the discussion on the annoying bird.

Looks like he would have to ask Sakura to mend that bird up. Kakashi's nose twitched and he kind of felt sorry for the bird. It wasn't that Kakashi was eager for it to start chirping up again anytime soon, but generally, he wasn't the type to knock something out without a reason. Sorry to say, but this morning...was a special case. The little bird chose a wrong morning to chirp its head off around Kakashi while in his sleepy state.

Kakashi sat up and yawned. Boy, was his couch comfy. He took a look at the coffee table and his eyes widened. The alarm clock was still there. Taking a moment, he wondered silently: If the alarm clock was still here, then he didn't throw it. So then, what did he throw?

Glancing quickly at the calendar to his left, his mind could only process one thought.

'_Oh shit_.' Today was Sakura's party. And he just threw her present out the window.

_'Great.Was that bird worth that much trouble?'_ He sighed.

Standing up, he walks to the window and looks down. His poor cherished book.

With his face grim, Kakashi looked a bit harder and noticed that the book wasn't in_ that_ bad of a condition. In fact, it looked perfectly fine. Fine enough for Sakura to recognize it as a present.

In a flash, Kakashi went down and retrieved the wrapped up gift. He flipped it over and sideways, examining it. Boy, was Sakura going to enjoy her present. Once more, Kakashi double-checked, and noticed that the edges of the wrapping paper seemed a bit tattered. Kakashi checked the alarm clock again and decided to take a shower before he left. As he passed by the kitchen, he noticed the dishes were still intact and in place. He decided to do them later tonight…that is…if he remembered.

Taking his time, Kakashi took his shower and being his usual self, he was late anyway. What a great way to begin off a day.

* * *

XD That was...amusing and short to type. Reviews would help, but hey. I'm not demanding them. Yet. End of Chapter 2 

-zMoonlitRosez


	3. Confrontation?

**Chapter Three**

Soon enough, after a couple of minutes, Kakashi arrived at Sakura's apartment and simply stood before the door. He hesitated, unsure of whether to go in or not. But then, he figured that if he was going to be yelled at for being late again, he might as well get it over with. Yet, as he raised his hand to knock on the door, he stopped once again as he heard a faint noise coming from inside the house. Was that a scream?

In confusion, Kakashi leaned his head in and as just as his right ear tapped the door's surface he froze.

Someone was moaning. And was that...Sakura's voice?

Slowly yet swiftly, Kakashi forgot his formalties and unlocked the front door. He crept to where the moaning was coming from, only to see that the blocking door was locked. Looking cautiously up and down at the door, he saw a sign that stated 'Bathroom'.

With an eyebrow arched up, Kakashi leaned his ear to the side against the bathroom door and tried to decipher the voices in the locked room. The great pervert was shocked speechless as he heard the following conversation inside:

"Sakura. Slow and easy." a familiar low voice calmly said.

"No, Teme! That'll hurt her more. Lets get this done with quickly," replied another familiar, but rough and hyper voice.

Before anyone else could reply back, there was a howl of pain.

"Oh! Oh god, Naruto, that HURTS…Be more gentle, will you?" a female voice moaned.

"Sorry, sorry! I've never done this before," replied the scratchy, hyper voice.

"Hn. Sakura, lean down a bit. It helps with the pain," the calm one remarked softly.

"Than-AH. Ow! Stop yanking! Sorry, but that's too much force, Sasuke-kun."

"Sakura-chan! You're bleeding! Teme! Its_ YOUR_ fault! Sakura-chan's bleeding! "

"Ugh..du'h. With two guys using that much force, of course I would be-AH!"

"I've never done this before! How would I know that I had to be gentle?" Someone retorted.

"Well, You-AH! I'm not a toy Naruto!" seethed from someone Kakashi dearly hoped wasn't Sakura.

Kakashi deadpanned, too disturbed from what he was hearing to allow himself to further imagine what his students were doing in there. _'No. They couldn't be…doing THAT in the bathroom? Their first time? Together?'_

"Hn. Sakura, relax. Its just a bit of blood."

"Its still blood, Teme!"

Unfortunately, Kakashi had read too many Icha Icha Paradise books and his mind couldn't help but conclude that they probably WERE doing what he had in mind. Still, he couldn't bring it to himself to knock the door over and stop them. Begrudgingly in silence, he had to admit that their first time at dirty talk was quite impressive.

"Ah! Ow! Push IT! Oh!" Sakura's moans repeatedly continued.

Or was it really their first time? They were so many parties they had invited him to in the past and he had always managed to come up with a good excuse not to come to every one. Had this begun..?

Kakashi looked down at himself. He seemed to be having a…natural disaster. Over Sakura's continuous moaning. He sighed. He couldn't remember feeling so filthy over his thoughts in his entire life. Slowly, he brought his hands up to his ears in an attempt to block out the moans.

But almost as if on cue, Sakura's moans became screams. "Damn it! Just take it out! This is too much, AH! pain!"

"Sakura-chan, calm down! I can't take it out…It's too tight in there. Sorry about all the blood.." Naruto mumbled the last part out.

"Hn. Let me see.."

"No! I can do this!"

" Move, Dobe." A slight shove was heard. Along with an "oof".

"You think you're all trained at this, Teme?"

"….Sakura, don't move."

"Mmph! Sasuke, your -Fumph- big!"

Kakashi couldn't take it anymore. His palms were sweaty and he thought he'd just heard Sakura say something she wasn't supposed to know, much less, say about yet. It took one more moan from Sakura and Kakashi knocked down the bathroom door. Mentally bracing himself for the scene, he clammed his right eye shut for five seconds and then slowly reopened it.

Holding Sakura's present tight, he blinked and looked up in fear.

But all he saw was Sakura leaning on the counter and Sasuke with a finger in her mouth.

Wait.

What?

"…" Things were silent for a moment as everyone stared at Kakashi, perturbed about his sudden entrance.

Sakura was the first to react and tried to say something but with Sasuke's index finger in her mouth, all she could utter was "mmph!". Which efficiently answered one of Kakashi's questions.

"…What...were you guys…doing?" Kakashi asked in a low voice, hesitantly, though he already knew the answer.

Naruto couldn't tell the difference in the atmosphere so he spoke up brashly, "Trying to get Sakura-chan's tooth out. She said its been hurting her since yesterday night."

Trying to speak again, Sakura tried to remove Sasuke's finger.

But when Sasuke finger wouldn't budge, Sakura groaned in despair; her way of telling Sasuke that his finger was still resting on her sore tooth.

When hearing her groan, everyone turned in her direction. Sasuke got the wrong impression and backed off a bit, which earned a stronger cry. Sasuke's finger wouldn't move.

"Ish Shtuck, Sashukekun," Sakura mumbled. Damn, her mouth was sore. And having Sasuke's large thumb stuck in her mouth was not the most ideal nor romantic situation she had ever hoped to have with her crush.

After a couple of tugs, Sasuke gave up. The continuous cries of pain were getting too annoying to deal with. And knowing that he was causing further injury in her mouth wasn't helping much either.

"...Getting comfy, eh, Teme?" Naruto glared at Sasuke.

"...Does it look like it? Dobe."

"Don't worry Sakura-chan, we'll think of someway to help you. Kakashi-sensei? Anything?" Naruto asked. When Kakashi didn't answer, Naruto walked over and waved his hand over Kakashi's face. With no reply from the still-shocked copynin, Naruto rolled his eyes.

"...Stupid sensei.." Naruto muttered.

Impatient, Sakura once again tried to pry out Sasuke's finger gently. She grunted, growing more irritated by the second at her own dilemna.

'Ugh. Stupid finger.I wish I could crack it off. Or maybe I could burn it. No, I wish I should bash it off...If- if only this finger didn't belong to Sasuke-kun!' Sakura twitched in agony as she silently cursed.

Breaking the silence, Sasuke spoke up.

"Kakashi, why did you ask what we were doing?" Sasuke asked, curiosity laced in his underlying tone. Naruto and Sakura's attention shifted to Kakashi too, as they realised that their sensei rarely, if at all, came to their parties. Sakura glanced at the knocked down door and groaned again, but not from the pain.

"Yeah! Kakashi-sensei, what did you think we were doing?" Naruto chirped up.

At the sound of his name being said repeatedly over the course of one minute, Kakashi snapped out of his stupified trance and was suddenly overwhelmed by the stares of Team 7. Clutching Sakura's present, he glanced to where Sakura was standing.

_'Maybe,_' he thought hopefully, _'Maybe I can just give Sakura the present and go_.' He glanced around the room and contemplated the many escape routes. Perhaps the window would be a nice exit. Only a couple of paces and a window smash away. But looking around at his former students, they looked like they were ready for anything. '_Well, actually, with Sasuke's hand in Sakura, maybe it wouldn't be that bad and I could...'_

"..Uh, I thought you kids were..already starting the party..?" Kakashi mumbled.

Sasuke's eyebrows rose, skeptical and wary.

"In the bathroom?" He pointed out.

"Yeah! Sensei! Did you have to knock the door down?" Naruto shouted in disbelief.

"Mmph!" Sakura said in agreement.

Silently, Kakashi looked down at Sakura's present, still clenched in his hands. A sudden thought occurred to him as he remembered earlier that morning when he threw his clock out the window. Maybe if he threw the present out the window... he could use that as an excuse to go...but then, what would happen if Sasuke snatched the book before it flew out the window?

"Well, you three have fun..I think I'll just leave Sakura's present here..."

Sakura jerked and quickly turned her head in response to hearing her name. In a quick and fluid motion, her loose tooth buckled and fell upon impact and her eyes watered with the sharp pain that followed. Her eyes widened from the shock, but she quickly regained herself and turned away. Sasuke regained his finger and blinked a bit at the sight before rinsing the blood off.

"Ugh." Sakura lastly said before she turned her head into the sink and washed away the extra blood from her mouth. Though it was painful, at least she had Sasuke's finger out.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto ran over and smiled, glad that Sasuke's finger was out.

Grimancing, Sakura muttered a couple of curses after rinsing our her mouth and slowly turned to Kakashi. Boy, did it feel good to finally talk.

"Typical of you to show up late, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura greeted finally.

Beside her, Naruto was eyeing Kakashi as he lifted his hand up and gave the present to Sakura.

"Sensei..What present did you give Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, curiously.

Sasuke was silent, but was also curious. His eyes drooped and he stared in a lazy fashion; trying not to show that much an interest. But then again, Kakashi never did answer his question.

"Why don't you open it and find out? Enjoy your present, Sakura. Which I'm sure you'll will. Now if you'll excuse me.." Kakashi began. He looked into the room, hoping to avoid further confrontion.

'_..How do I break it to them?'_ He thought slowly. To be frank, Kakashi felt that usual _talks _should be done by parents. Not teachers. Ok, scratch that. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura really didn't have parents to chat with. So the best thing would be..their team leader? Oh god, no.

Before he could utter a sound, Sakura, who had been turning over the present, examining it, began shuffling the wrapper paper. It was..in the least, really mysterious. Kakashi had never given her a present before. Sakura shuddered a bit, but she continued. Curiousity overtook her and she was eager to see.

As well as the other two boys waiting and watching beside her.

Unknown to the three, Kakashi took his time walking to the other side of the door.

_'Four more steps..'_

_'Three more steps..'_

"Two more..."

"What?" Sakura stopped and looked up, distracted, only to see Kakashi looking focused at the door. Kakashi's eyes widened and he cursed himself for unconsiously saying his thoughts outloud. When Sakura stopped, the other two boys stopped and looked up, too.

With eyebrows arched, the three stared.

And then the wrinkling sounds of paper being torn off started again. As Sakura inched closer to the edge of her wrapped gift, her fingers stopped as she recognized the infamous book color in all of its orange glory. Terrified, she hurried to tear the rest of the wrapping paper away and silently screamed as she uncovered her present.

"WHAT THE -", the three looked up with accusingly eyes...

Only to see that their perverted sensei had vanished.

**The End.**

* * *

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it. -MoonlitElegy


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